Tulips and strawberry jam

Last week for Naw Ruz I bought three bunches of tulips and daffodils. I gave one bunch to my colleague T. who stays with me on Tuesday nights. And she left them here with me. The flowers brought such spring and joy into the room. They were still bright on Thursday morning when I was leaving for the weekend. I took them across the hall and knocked on Clara's door. She was surprised but took them in to brighten her home for a few days. Today, Clara brought me homemade Russian strawberry jam that she made herself. Her husband Alex died in December and I did not even know. What enormous life events occur within a few feet of us and we can be so unaware, so disconnected. Hmm. Clara showed me the pictures of her family in her sparkling clean apartment and gave me four Matzo bread squares from the box that she will eat for Passover in a few days. I put a couple of spoons of strawberry jam into my evening cup of tea to help me calm down enough to prepare for class tomorrow.

I have been feeling down. My first journal submission was rejected yesterday. It was a good journal and the first round of reviews were encouraging and helpful in the advice they provided but my resubmission was subsequently rejected. This small event has triggered all kinds of longings to be elsewhere in the world doing more meaningful things that I cannot even name. I do wish that I could at least invest my teaching with deeper meanings, my research and writing with deeper meanings, my very living of life with deeper meanings. As Wayne Dyer says... we must decide to live our lives on purpose.